Defeat

Yesterday was Dan and Danielle's wedding. The ceremony happened in the cutest of all cute churches, out in the middle of nowehere in the Gunx and it was really nice. The reception was at the Thomas Bull Park, which, for some reason everyone calls the Orange County Park, even though it really isn't.

It was great fun hanging out with everyone: chatting, playing a coupla sports, eating and last (and least), ending the evening with a giant Nerf gun war.

We decided it wasn't time to end the party, though: and came back to my house and had a fire on the hill. It was a little too impromptu because we didn't actually have any food or anything, but somewhere along the line a few hotdogs and buns showed up along with chips. Sadly, it wasn't enough for some people at the party, who started eating raw corn out of the field. Did I mention they brought alcohol? No?

I was feeling like a Debby Downer at the party because when I got to the house, I picked up the mail and there was the "thanks for playing" letter from Seekonk High School. I found this one really tough to handle because it was the interview that I felt actually went well and it was a school I had a real desire to teach in.

I pick up the mail and I'm trying really hard not to cry, but I just couldn't stick it, so I went inside, smacked a few things around and really let it out. Then I washed the streaming mascara off of my face and went back out. I made it the whole night with only having to go off by myself and have a big cry...which is pretty good for me.

So it looks like I'll almost certainly be in New York for next year. It's not all bad, because I do really enjoy my friends and it would be much easier to keep hanging out with them, instead of having to come up with a bunch of new friends, but still: this isn't at all what I had in mind for myself after college. I feel pretty lost. I keep thinking to myself, "I just want to go home." But then I realize, I don't really know where that is anymore.